what's next?

Hey people! I don't know if anyone will read this because I'm really bad at keeping up with my blog, but I needed to write this down. 

I love organization. My closet is color coded, my desk drawers are a dream come true, I live by my planner and Google Calendar, and I constantly have at least 3 spreadsheets that are purely for my own entertainment. I even have my life planned out on paper up until Christmas 2019. 

This is who I am.

Do I wish I was more laid back on my organizational habits? Absolutely not, I find a lot of joy in them (I'm weird I know, my mom regularly teases me about it). However, I do wish I was more laid back on life in general. 

Planning is great and awesome because it gives you an idea about what the future will look like. However, it easily turns into a viscous cycle. "What's next?" is a dangerous question. It poses the idea that the very second you are living in isn't as precious as figuring out what the next second will hold. It leads to a lifestyle of not cherishing the now.

My love for organization will never end, but I want to learn to love and soak in every second of life.

(not right now though, finals isn't really a time I'd like to soak in and remember forever)

Goals.

Hellooooooo. I'm at work right now! I work in the computer labs on campus, which are understandably slow on the weekends, so I am usually able to get a lot of homework done at work on Saturdays! I actually have no idea what this blog post is going to be about, I'm just sick of working on my physics paper and needed a little break.

I guess what this post can be about is a few small goals I'm going to set for this coming week:

1. Problem: I'm always tired.
   When I finish my homework for the night, I often shut my computer, mosey on over to the couch and just sit there. Like I actually just sit there doing nothing but not wanting to go to bed because I want to be able to relax before the start of the next day. It can last anywhere from five minutes to (embarrassingly) an hour. It's so ridiculous! Why don't I just get ready for bed and go to bed, you ask? Because showering, brushing my teeth, picking out my clothes, and so on wakes me up big time.
   Solution: Immediately after finishing my homework, take a shower, get ready for bed, iron my clothes for the next day, get my backpack ready for class. Then I am allowed to sit on the couch, read one chapter from a book, and get tired again so I can go to bed.
   
2. Problem: Coming home from work starving and not having a plan.
   Okay honestly I never know what I'm going to have for dinner until I open up the fridge and see what I have. It's so bad because seriously I always end up eating either a salad consisting of only spinach leaves and sometimes chicken, leftover chicken shredded in a tortilla, pasta, canned soup, or a sandwich. I honestly am having trouble coming up with something else I've eaten for dinner in the past month. That's pretty dumb!
   Solution: The list maker that I am should have learned and even loved by now to plan out dinners for a week before going grocery shopping.
   
3. Problem: Social media steals too much of my time.
   Back in November, I did a smart phone detox. It was great because without the constant temptation to check social media I was so much more productive in the important aspects of life. Now I'm not saying that I'm gonna go back to a full-fledged no-phone lifestyle, because that's ridiculous and I like to call my family and check Instagram, but I do need to limit myself. Around Christmas time I caved and turned back on social media notifications, and just last week I downloaded the Facebook app again. Both huge mistakes!
   Solution: Delete the Facebook app. Turn off all notifications (including push) except for texts and phone calls. 

Now that I've written about 3 goals to make me more productive, I'm gonna stop writing this post and get back to writing my physics paper! 

Enough.

Heyo, I'm comin at ya just like I usually do: sitting on my couch on a Friday after cleaning my room, starting my laundry, and lighting my favorite candle (seriously buy this candle in the red...worth every dollar I promise).

Self esteem can be a hard thing to keep up with in college. It feels like a constant battle to keep up with everyone else -- academically, physically, spiritually, in friendships, relationships, with having cool hobbies and side talents, and so on. It can be really emotionally draining when you look around and see all of these beautiful humans who are intelligent beyond comparison, have really cool hobbies, and play 12 instruments and 5 sports. Like okay.

BUT

What is easy to forget is that those people have insecurities also. Everyone has talents and everyone has insecurities, but we tend to only see our flaws and others' awesomeness. What a dumb thing! We are all children of a loving God who has granted us each with gifts and to think that one is greater than another just because it is more visible, or to not share those gifts is ridiculous. Our gifts are meant to help and uplift others; aren't we all brothers and sisters anyway? It's all about love, people.

Juliana sent me the link to this blog last night, and I'm so glad she did because I love it! I came across this post and it had the following picture, which explains my thoughts more eloquently than I ever could:

(I believe this applies to both genders -- you are enough)

Anyway, it's pay day which means it's errand day! Peace.

Here Am I

Something I've been pondering a lot lately is how to decipher between the voice of the Spirit and the voice of my brain. It can be a tricky thing trying to figure out if a thought is inspiration from the Lord or if it is simply just that -- a thought.

In 1 Samuel 3, the Lord is calling upon a young Samuel to be the new prophet. He calls Samuel's name three times in the night, yet each time Samuel mistakes it for Eli. Finally, Eli suggest to Samuel that perhaps it is the Lord that is calling his name. When the Lord calls Samuel the fourth time, Samuel answers "Speak; for thy servant heareth" (1 Samuel 3:10). This ten verse story holds so many teachings in it but I think I will just focus on one or two.

1. Recognizing the Lord's voice:

This passage is so beautiful because it shows Samuel coming to know the Lord's voice. Samuel's experience was of course different than any of ours because he was a prophet and spoke directly with God. However, we need to learn to recognize the voice of the Spirit because that is how God often communicates with us. 

2. Being willing to serve:

Each time the Lord called out to Samuel, he responded "Here am I." Even though Samuel originally thought Eli was calling him, he was willing to serve because he was loyal and eager to do the right things. If our hearts are set upon doing good, we should be willing to do righteous things whether it comes directly from the Lord or not. 

I think what I've learned from this all is that if I have a good thought, I'm going to act on it because I know the Lord will not inspire me to do anything that is not good. If that thought is the Spirit, then I am being a faithful servant. If it is my own brain thinking, I have simply done a good deed and nothing is lost. I hope to become as faithful and as willing to live the Gospel as Samuel was. I hope that each and every time the Lord tries to communicate with me that I say "Here am I."

Count Your Many Blessings, Name Them One by One

This morning I woke up feeling especially thankful to be living this life.

I am thankful for

my really comfy bed - a heater - electricity - comfortable yet fashionable sweaters - music - food - my car - my humble apartment - this gentle winter - fuzzy socks - chapstick - perfume - my little cactus

On a more serious note, I am thankful for

a country in which I can vote and get a job and practice my faith and go to school and not worry too much about my safety and and and....

friends who give me great advice and remind me of who I am and allow me to embrace that weirdo.

a body that can climb four-story hills and several flights of stairs each day to get to class.

a university where I can expand my mind and my faith.

medicine that gets me through the many sicknesses I accumulate in the winter.

technology so that I can stay in touch with people (and so that my mom can text me about how she FaceTimed with one of my nephews and he asked her where "Missa" was).

a family that cares so deeply for one another. My parents are awesome and my siblings, despite the age differences, are my best friends (in-laws included ;) )

the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is truly the center of my life. Loving others and serving them is the most important thing in this world because A) every human is important and B) that is how we show our love for God.

Happy Friday!

And it really is just that -- a happy Friday. The apartment is clean and smells like my favorite candle (Voluspa's Goji Tarocco Orange from Anthropologie), the dryer is on which means clean clothes, I nailed my physics test, and I got paid! Woohoo!

This morning I woke up to a sweet little text from my friend Juliana along with this picture: 

Little does she know (hey Ju!) that this is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. Happiness and success are choices that I can make for myself just by putting myself in the right frame of mind and the right surroundings. Which is whyyyy I have been focusing lately on: getting more sleep, making better food choices, exercising regularly, and studying hard. Because I'm a college student, my happiness depends a lot on how I am feeling health-wise and how I am doing in school. Lastly, I finally decided to move at the end of this semester! I'm one of those weird people that likes to change stuff up every once in a while and I'm looking forward to meeting new people and making new friends for the spring term (May-June)!

If you made a New Year's Resolution, are you keeping up with it? Or has it already faded? Or if you're not much of  NYR person (like me), that's okay!! Setting goals or making changes can happen any time of the year! Just remember that everything starts in your mind, and that if you want to be happy, you'll have to make a conscious decision to be so!

Happy Friday y'all! 

Brain Break

Hello. I come to you from the Reading Room of the Harold B. Lee Library. Here's a real life description of my current state: I sit at a table alone with a few spiral notebooks, pages of amateur sketches for a "creativity" project scattered, my hair is in a ponytail, and I am wearing the comfiest sweater I own and my glasses. Also there is an extra packet of Mucinex, a package of tissues, and some chapstick next to my computer. 

{It's okay to not be glamorous all the time}

It's not even finals week yet. Although I've already taken two finals, but ya know. It isn't REALLY finals week until next week. I have so much to do before I fly home in 8 days, 19 hours, and 5 minutes (wait who's counting???) that 8 days, 19 hours, and 5 minutes seems like an eternity. 

This is not why I opened up a new blog post. But funny enough, it relates. Last Wednesday in my New Testament class, a quote was shared that hit me hard enough that I'm still think about it today:

"Doubt and faith do not exist in the same person at the same time."

Just think about that! Doubt, fear, and anxiety do not come from the Lord. He wants us to be happy and to have calmed hearts! We either trust Him or we do not.  Faith is of God. Doubt is not. 

T h e y   c a n n o t   c o e x i s t .

I can make it through these next 8 days, 18 hours, and 55 minutes. And so can you. 

With faith in the Lord, we can do anything.