what's next?

Hey people! I don't know if anyone will read this because I'm really bad at keeping up with my blog, but I needed to write this down. 

I love organization. My closet is color coded, my desk drawers are a dream come true, I live by my planner and Google Calendar, and I constantly have at least 3 spreadsheets that are purely for my own entertainment. I even have my life planned out on paper up until Christmas 2019. 

This is who I am.

Do I wish I was more laid back on my organizational habits? Absolutely not, I find a lot of joy in them (I'm weird I know, my mom regularly teases me about it). However, I do wish I was more laid back on life in general. 

Planning is great and awesome because it gives you an idea about what the future will look like. However, it easily turns into a viscous cycle. "What's next?" is a dangerous question. It poses the idea that the very second you are living in isn't as precious as figuring out what the next second will hold. It leads to a lifestyle of not cherishing the now.

My love for organization will never end, but I want to learn to love and soak in every second of life.

(not right now though, finals isn't really a time I'd like to soak in and remember forever)

Goals.

Hellooooooo. I'm at work right now! I work in the computer labs on campus, which are understandably slow on the weekends, so I am usually able to get a lot of homework done at work on Saturdays! I actually have no idea what this blog post is going to be about, I'm just sick of working on my physics paper and needed a little break.

I guess what this post can be about is a few small goals I'm going to set for this coming week:

1. Problem: I'm always tired.
   When I finish my homework for the night, I often shut my computer, mosey on over to the couch and just sit there. Like I actually just sit there doing nothing but not wanting to go to bed because I want to be able to relax before the start of the next day. It can last anywhere from five minutes to (embarrassingly) an hour. It's so ridiculous! Why don't I just get ready for bed and go to bed, you ask? Because showering, brushing my teeth, picking out my clothes, and so on wakes me up big time.
   Solution: Immediately after finishing my homework, take a shower, get ready for bed, iron my clothes for the next day, get my backpack ready for class. Then I am allowed to sit on the couch, read one chapter from a book, and get tired again so I can go to bed.
   
2. Problem: Coming home from work starving and not having a plan.
   Okay honestly I never know what I'm going to have for dinner until I open up the fridge and see what I have. It's so bad because seriously I always end up eating either a salad consisting of only spinach leaves and sometimes chicken, leftover chicken shredded in a tortilla, pasta, canned soup, or a sandwich. I honestly am having trouble coming up with something else I've eaten for dinner in the past month. That's pretty dumb!
   Solution: The list maker that I am should have learned and even loved by now to plan out dinners for a week before going grocery shopping.
   
3. Problem: Social media steals too much of my time.
   Back in November, I did a smart phone detox. It was great because without the constant temptation to check social media I was so much more productive in the important aspects of life. Now I'm not saying that I'm gonna go back to a full-fledged no-phone lifestyle, because that's ridiculous and I like to call my family and check Instagram, but I do need to limit myself. Around Christmas time I caved and turned back on social media notifications, and just last week I downloaded the Facebook app again. Both huge mistakes!
   Solution: Delete the Facebook app. Turn off all notifications (including push) except for texts and phone calls. 

Now that I've written about 3 goals to make me more productive, I'm gonna stop writing this post and get back to writing my physics paper! 

Enough.

Heyo, I'm comin at ya just like I usually do: sitting on my couch on a Friday after cleaning my room, starting my laundry, and lighting my favorite candle (seriously buy this candle in the red...worth every dollar I promise).

Self esteem can be a hard thing to keep up with in college. It feels like a constant battle to keep up with everyone else -- academically, physically, spiritually, in friendships, relationships, with having cool hobbies and side talents, and so on. It can be really emotionally draining when you look around and see all of these beautiful humans who are intelligent beyond comparison, have really cool hobbies, and play 12 instruments and 5 sports. Like okay.

BUT

What is easy to forget is that those people have insecurities also. Everyone has talents and everyone has insecurities, but we tend to only see our flaws and others' awesomeness. What a dumb thing! We are all children of a loving God who has granted us each with gifts and to think that one is greater than another just because it is more visible, or to not share those gifts is ridiculous. Our gifts are meant to help and uplift others; aren't we all brothers and sisters anyway? It's all about love, people.

Juliana sent me the link to this blog last night, and I'm so glad she did because I love it! I came across this post and it had the following picture, which explains my thoughts more eloquently than I ever could:

(I believe this applies to both genders -- you are enough)

Anyway, it's pay day which means it's errand day! Peace.

Here Am I

Something I've been pondering a lot lately is how to decipher between the voice of the Spirit and the voice of my brain. It can be a tricky thing trying to figure out if a thought is inspiration from the Lord or if it is simply just that -- a thought.

In 1 Samuel 3, the Lord is calling upon a young Samuel to be the new prophet. He calls Samuel's name three times in the night, yet each time Samuel mistakes it for Eli. Finally, Eli suggest to Samuel that perhaps it is the Lord that is calling his name. When the Lord calls Samuel the fourth time, Samuel answers "Speak; for thy servant heareth" (1 Samuel 3:10). This ten verse story holds so many teachings in it but I think I will just focus on one or two.

1. Recognizing the Lord's voice:

This passage is so beautiful because it shows Samuel coming to know the Lord's voice. Samuel's experience was of course different than any of ours because he was a prophet and spoke directly with God. However, we need to learn to recognize the voice of the Spirit because that is how God often communicates with us. 

2. Being willing to serve:

Each time the Lord called out to Samuel, he responded "Here am I." Even though Samuel originally thought Eli was calling him, he was willing to serve because he was loyal and eager to do the right things. If our hearts are set upon doing good, we should be willing to do righteous things whether it comes directly from the Lord or not. 

I think what I've learned from this all is that if I have a good thought, I'm going to act on it because I know the Lord will not inspire me to do anything that is not good. If that thought is the Spirit, then I am being a faithful servant. If it is my own brain thinking, I have simply done a good deed and nothing is lost. I hope to become as faithful and as willing to live the Gospel as Samuel was. I hope that each and every time the Lord tries to communicate with me that I say "Here am I."

Count Your Many Blessings, Name Them One by One

This morning I woke up feeling especially thankful to be living this life.

I am thankful for

my really comfy bed - a heater - electricity - comfortable yet fashionable sweaters - music - food - my car - my humble apartment - this gentle winter - fuzzy socks - chapstick - perfume - my little cactus

On a more serious note, I am thankful for

a country in which I can vote and get a job and practice my faith and go to school and not worry too much about my safety and and and....

friends who give me great advice and remind me of who I am and allow me to embrace that weirdo.

a body that can climb four-story hills and several flights of stairs each day to get to class.

a university where I can expand my mind and my faith.

medicine that gets me through the many sicknesses I accumulate in the winter.

technology so that I can stay in touch with people (and so that my mom can text me about how she FaceTimed with one of my nephews and he asked her where "Missa" was).

a family that cares so deeply for one another. My parents are awesome and my siblings, despite the age differences, are my best friends (in-laws included ;) )

the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is truly the center of my life. Loving others and serving them is the most important thing in this world because A) every human is important and B) that is how we show our love for God.

Happy Friday!

And it really is just that -- a happy Friday. The apartment is clean and smells like my favorite candle (Voluspa's Goji Tarocco Orange from Anthropologie), the dryer is on which means clean clothes, I nailed my physics test, and I got paid! Woohoo!

This morning I woke up to a sweet little text from my friend Juliana along with this picture: 

Little does she know (hey Ju!) that this is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. Happiness and success are choices that I can make for myself just by putting myself in the right frame of mind and the right surroundings. Which is whyyyy I have been focusing lately on: getting more sleep, making better food choices, exercising regularly, and studying hard. Because I'm a college student, my happiness depends a lot on how I am feeling health-wise and how I am doing in school. Lastly, I finally decided to move at the end of this semester! I'm one of those weird people that likes to change stuff up every once in a while and I'm looking forward to meeting new people and making new friends for the spring term (May-June)!

If you made a New Year's Resolution, are you keeping up with it? Or has it already faded? Or if you're not much of  NYR person (like me), that's okay!! Setting goals or making changes can happen any time of the year! Just remember that everything starts in your mind, and that if you want to be happy, you'll have to make a conscious decision to be so!

Happy Friday y'all! 

Brain Break

Hello. I come to you from the Reading Room of the Harold B. Lee Library. Here's a real life description of my current state: I sit at a table alone with a few spiral notebooks, pages of amateur sketches for a "creativity" project scattered, my hair is in a ponytail, and I am wearing the comfiest sweater I own and my glasses. Also there is an extra packet of Mucinex, a package of tissues, and some chapstick next to my computer. 

{It's okay to not be glamorous all the time}

It's not even finals week yet. Although I've already taken two finals, but ya know. It isn't REALLY finals week until next week. I have so much to do before I fly home in 8 days, 19 hours, and 5 minutes (wait who's counting???) that 8 days, 19 hours, and 5 minutes seems like an eternity. 

This is not why I opened up a new blog post. But funny enough, it relates. Last Wednesday in my New Testament class, a quote was shared that hit me hard enough that I'm still think about it today:

"Doubt and faith do not exist in the same person at the same time."

Just think about that! Doubt, fear, and anxiety do not come from the Lord. He wants us to be happy and to have calmed hearts! We either trust Him or we do not.  Faith is of God. Doubt is not. 

T h e y   c a n n o t   c o e x i s t .

I can make it through these next 8 days, 18 hours, and 55 minutes. And so can you. 

With faith in the Lord, we can do anything. 

Smart Phone Detox

One of my pet peeves is when I'm trying to talk to someone and their eyes are glued to their phone. Guess what? I CAUGHT MYSELF DOING JUST THAT a few times this semester and decided it was time for a change. It was time for a smart phone detox:

It was oddly satisfying to declutter my friends lists, never get a notification, and feel like I could leave my apartment without my phone. Shouldn't I always be able to feel like that? Don't get me wrong, I love that I can call my mom, FaceTime my sister, text my friends, share photos, etc., but in this day and age, we feel obligated to respond immediately because we know from first-hand experience that being on the waiting end is the most annoying thing.

On another note, we often get so caught up in "social" media that we actually become anti-social. I mean, how often do you check Instagram while waiting on class to start instead of just talking to the people around you? I know I do it! D-U-M-B. 

Sorry for that tangent, back to my main point. My phone doesn't need to travel from my bedroom to the living room with me. I don't need to check everyone's Snapchat story before going to bed, and I don't need to scroll through Twitter when I wake up. 

H e r e ' s  W h a t  I  D i d  I n s t e a d :

Early in the week, I started to get used to not checking my phone because I turned off all push notifications. This eventually led to me barely, if ever, checking social media (which made Saturday a breeze). By the time it got to today, I was excited to turn off my phone for a full 24 hours (sorry Mom if you tried to call me). I fall asleep a lot faster at night because I don't check my phone before bed time, I get out of bed quicker, have better morning scripture study habits, try to meet new people in class, get a boat load of efficient studying done, and I've even started a new hobby. You might get to hear about that in a few weeks if you're lucky. 

It's not practical for me to turn off my phone forever because sometimes I need to call my mom and sometimes I need to look things up in the middle of class. And let's face it, sometimes I really really want to see what's on Instagram at the end of the weekend. But I'm gonna keep up this less phone time habit because it's truly liberating!

P.S. I cheated once -- by posting this picture as my Snapchat story yesterday. But how could I not!? We got KOLACHES in UTAH!!!! A true miracle.

[Kolaches ft. Katie Wheldon. Our Texan hearts were happy.]

Summer 2014

Holy blog! Apparently I forgot about you all summer long! (please click on that link)
I'm a believer in efficiency, and I'm also a believer in making lists, so let the list of my summer begin!

April:
I SURVIVED ANOTHER ROUND OF FINALS (miraculous)
I drove for two days with three other twenty-somethings to get home for the summer
Spent time with my family (all of my siblings were in town!!)
Visited Abbi at Rice!

May:
Visited Alan at Sam Houston State University
Visited Katie at University of Texas
Went to MiCayla's mission farewell
Babysat 12 hours a day for a week
Went to the Magnolia High School spring band concert
Reunited with several high school friends over frozen desserts (the best food group)
Traveled to Fort Worth for the annual Stutz Family reunion on Memorial Day

June:
More hanging out with friends
Went to a Backstreet Boys concert...kind of...with Alan, Emily, and a puppy
Went bowling - lol
Became the homemaker when my mom had neck surgery
My sister and brother in-law came back in town
Ran a 5k -- my first!!!!
Went to Galveston for Katie's birthday
Went out for Katie & Abbi's birthdays

July:
Several trips to the lake
More hangouts
Learned how to play Liar's Dice aka my new favorite game (Thanks Katie)
Got crafty
Hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan (Santa Monica beach/pier, Hollywood, Warner Brothers Studio, DISNEYLAND,  Huntington Beach, sea kayaking in San Diego)

August:
GNO
Helped at my brother's Eagle Scout project
Watched my oldest brother's kids while he and my sister in-law went on a cruise
Threw a party
Traveled to St. Louis to visit my brother, sister in-law, and nephew (so fun!!)
Am currently in the long process of moving-back-to-college-prep
Later this month:

     Another lake trip

     One Direction

     One Republic (quick trip to ATX)

     Move back to Provo, Utah!

FOR PHOTOS, VISIT THIS LINK

The library is my home (but not for long).

This semester has been hard. Like really really hard. It has taught me that success should be based upon improvement and trying your hardest, not getting A's and B's on every test. It has taught me how to study and to work harder than ever. It has taught me that the cure-all for a bad day is coming home to roommates who love you and make you laugh and a bowl of ice cream.

The past few weeks, I have entered the library in the daylight and left in the darkness. And I will continue to do so for the next few days, because finals start in FOUR DAYS. I have been doing all I can, and I have faith that Heavenly Father will help me get to where I need to be.

I believe that God blesses us to have success, but only after we have put in as much effort as we can. Our God is a merciful God, but expects us to do our part. This includes putting in time and effort and asking for help. All we need to do is ask with real intent, and it will be given unto us (Matthew 7:7-8). He is omnipotent and already knows the desires of our heart, but He wants to hear it from us. He loves us all so much and wants to hear from us. Prayer is a powerful thing. Not only does it provide comfort and blessings, but it helps form a solid relationship with our Father in Heaven.

As for now, I'll spend the next few evenings in the library and then take finals. But soon, I will be HOME :)

It is simply always there.

The weather here is so unpredictable. They say things are usually covered in snow until April, and even then it will still snow randomly. My roommate says it even snowed in June once. 

These past seven days have brought with them the most wonderful weather. High forties, low fifties. Sun shining. Birds chirping. Limited clouds (which is a miracle considering the air is usually inverted and no blue is visible). 

It's still February. 

Life and people are a lot like the weather. Unpredictable. But that's okay. 

God's love remains the same. 

It is simply always there.

The Myth of Inadequacy (and the Power of God)

I had a great idea for this post, but couldn't seem to get my thoughts to flow. After talking to a good friend about it, I decided to take a completely different path. I am grateful for insightful friends.

Inadequacy is a common feeling, but it isn't even a real thing. It is easy to feel as though we "aren't good enough." The truth of the matter is that God provides a way for His children to do anything so long as it is for a righteous cause. 

The great prophet Moses, at the beginning of his ministry, felt as though he wasn't fit for the job. He even told the Lord upon his calling, "I am not eloquent . . . but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue." The Lord responds, "Who had made man's mouth? . . . Now therefore go, and I will be thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say" (Exodus 4:10-12). The Lord reminds Moses that He created us and is omnipotent. We may feel inadequate, but with the Lord's aid we are not. 

A similar thing happened right after Moses passed and Joshua was called on by the Lord. He told Joshua three times to "be strong and of a good courage" because "the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest" (Joshua 1:5-9). Doing what is required of us can be scary at times, but it shouldn't be because God is always with us. 

We can do anything, so long as we trust in God. Our "inadequacies" are made up for by the Lord's loving mercy. Robert D. Hales said ". . . we need not be afraid or feel inadequate. The Savior has promised that He will make us equal to His work" (Being a More Christian Christian, October 2012). The Lord does not require anything of us that we can not accomplish with His help. He provides a way.

An excerpt from my most recent religion class paper.

To me, the Atonement is a sacred and a wonderful succession of acts that were performed in order to allow each of us to obtain eternal happiness through exaltation. How wonderful it is that we have this opportunity! How grateful I am that the Lord Jesus Christ allowed us a path to repent of our sins and to be comforted in our sorrows. Russel M. Nelson in a talk titled “Decisions forEternity” in October 2013 stated that “True change—permanent change—can come only through the healing, cleansing, and enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.” This means that the only way to get rid of sin and to become a changed and a better person is to apply the Atonement to our lives and to repent and seek forgiveness through it. Christ has already performed the Atonement, why should we not use it? Wouldn’t it be a mockery to not repent, and to not ask for help? Doing so would signify that we think that our sins or our pains are above what the Lord has already handled for us, which is certainly not true. He says, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30). How grateful I am that all of my sins, doubts, insecurities, heartbreaks, frustrations, disappointments, and so on that create a hole can be taken away from me and can be replaced. I can be filled with the love of the Savior. Let us not forget that the Lord Jesus Christ carried the pains of the world in the garden, gave up his life on the hill, and was risen again at the third day, and it was all for us.

Carpe diem.

That phrase used to bother me. A lot. For some reason, I have always thought it was a phrase used by hippies to justify whatever stupid thing they were doing.

But lately I've been contemplating more what it means to "seize the day."

It means making the most of things. It means doing something in spite of your fears. It means being brave. It means taking control of your life.

Carpe diem, y'all.

new

new room

new bed

new desk

new dishes

new couches

new friends

new hopes

new goals

new dreams

The light at the end of the tunnel.

Finals are next week, and with that comes studying, stress, a lack of sleep, and unfixed hair. 

But next week means so much more than just finals.

Next week means moving to my new apartment-style dorm.

and

Next week means going HOME. 

I should probably get back to writing this anthropology paper, as this short blog post was merely another form of procrastination.

A series of fortunate events.

It's been a long time since I posted on here, but I assume all will be well with you because you probably also follow me on Instagram/Twitter/Facebook! Since I've posted last, I've made a few very important decisions that I should make you aware of. But before you get to read about those, I'm gonna bore you with a few fun things that have been going on!

In October I went home for homecoming,

In the fall my friends and I took pictures in the canyon,

I went home for Thanksgiving and also got to see my best friends,

And it's been snowing and we have been freezing but are having a blast! (that's my cool roommate)

And scattered between: football games, basketball games, shopping trips, and etcetera!

And now for the serious stuff.

The first big decision I made was to change majors. Originally I was a pre-nursing major hoping to get accepted into the extremely competitive and prestigious College of Nursing here at BYU. Honestly it sounded like a great idea to me, but I think the biggest driving force behind it was that I would get medical training, still have interaction with people, and not have to go to medical school. Which are all very beautiful things. But after sitting through my intro to nursing course, I began feeling uneasy about my decision. I thought and prayed very hard for several weeks and came to the conclusion that I was not going down the right career path. I realized that I didn't really want to be the one doing the dirty work (although I never planned on being a bedside nurse, I wanted to be a nurse anesthetist), and I realized I wanted a career path that would allow me to be my own boss. Nursing did not allow for both of these criteria. I was searching for a career that would allow the following:

• one-on-one interaction with patients
• the ability to improve lives and feel fulfilled
• the possibility of specializing in pediatric "fill-in-the-blank"
• the possibility and probability of one day being my own boss
• being able to have the job described above without attending medical school
• flexible so I can be a mom

After making a list of every possible job I could think of that met all six of these criteria, I narrowed it down to a select three careers. I then went on a hunt to discover what major I should actually be in by thoroughly investigating the majors offered at BYU, as well as looking into graduate programs at esteemed universities that specialize in training for the careers I am interested in.

I am now an Exercise Science major pursuing Occupational Therapy graduate school and hoping to specialize in Pediatric Occupational Therapy.

The second big decision was to move from Helaman Halls into New Heritage Halls next semester. It was a long and hard process to come to the conclusion that I should move, and I will only share a few of the details. For one, my original plan was to live in New Heritage because I have some friends from home over there. The dorms are basically apartments with full kitchens and living rooms. Unfortunately, I got a pretty stinky housing registration date and it was all filled up, so here I am in Helaman Halls, where I live in a jail cell and eat at a cafeteria. I have already changed contracts and have been in contact with my new roommate. There are people here in Helaman I will miss, but I am looking forward to the Winter semester!

Right now I am about to pass out via Nyquil, so it's time to tie things up (it's been a long post anyway). I have one week of classes left and then finals (ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!) and then CHRISTMAS BREAK.

Things just seem to be lining up for me right now.

A quick, quick update.

It has been nearly a month since I have updated this thing! I'm getting worse at remembering. Considering I'm going home this weekend and will probably have a lengthier post from that, I'll resort to another list :)

• essays
• midterms
• shopping
• stand-up comedy
• oktoberfest
• farmer's market
• google hangouts with big dogs
• BYU homecoming
• fine arts spectacular
• cold
• snow
• scarves
• boots
• homework
• hi-chews
• hallway yoga
• nail parties
• movies
• cooking in the basement
• lots of late-night procrastination with friends

Time to catch up.

Hey there. It's been a while. What have I been up to, you ask?

• great weather
• farmers markets
• snow cones
• stand-up comedy
• mentor meetings
• studying outside in the bugless grass
• dance performances
• playing in the rain
• art museum visits
• football games
• hiking
• waterfalls
• hiking waterfalls
• more football games
• church
• "family" Sunday night dinners
• ward prayer
• tunnel singing
• basement sardines
• exploring in places of buildings that we probably aren't allowed to be in

Oh and I guess

• school

I turned in my first few college papers over the past two weeks and have my first exam this week!

Hello September.

I failed to post about my second day of school, which was very different from my first day. So here's a quick overview: I started the day with chemistry, the professor is super cool and just recently got his doctorate. I've looked through the textbook and I'm pretty sure I can handle it. I then had anthropology. The professor is a weirdo, what he talked about seemed interesting, but all the books we have to read are super boring. Last was human development. The professor was nice, she was really into what she was talking about. It's going to be a tough class because we have a lot of research papers, but I think it will be the most interesting of my classes. I'll let you know in December.

Friday night Hannah, Lauren, Erin, Kelsey, and I went to the theater on campus and watched Monsters University for $1 and we were laughing the entire time, as was the entire theater. It's very different watching it before college as opposed to once you're in it! We then hit up a party for about 10 minutes but decided to head back to the lobby. Weekend nights in the lobby are awesome because they are full of people. So we walk in and there is a group of 30+ people playing signs, and a group of about 20 guys in the corner playing guitars and singing awesome arrangements of songs. It's such a cool environment. We had so much fun! The rest of the night was spent doing spontaneous things and laughing until we thought we were literally going to throw up.

Saturday was game day!!!! vs. University of Texas, which was extra exciting for me. The game started at 5 and the gates opened at 3, so we got there at 3 to ensure good seats in the student section. We got great seats and sat around for about an hour until it suddenly got dark. We watched a massive storm cloud roll over the south end of the stadium (where we were seated) and it began to get cold and crazy windy. Then it began pouring and we were soaked before we got to the portal to go under the stadium! Long story short, we got there at 3, went under at 4, went back into the stands at 6:20 to watch the game (still soaked and cold), and got home at 11. We ended up sitting in the end zone next to the band so that was fun! It was a very different experience going to a football game and being a part of the regular audience!

(might I add that BYU beat UT 40-21) (sorry Katie)

I'm pretty sure that storm was the beginning of the cold fronts, because the highest high this week is in the low 80's. I am excited to wear autumn/winter layers because they rock but I am NOT ready to be cold haha!

I'm doing pretty good on keeping up with my assignments, although it is only week one! I can't imagine what's in store. I have made a lot of friends and bonded with the ones I mentioned, but I am still looking forward to having best friends here!!